grateful

a year ago steve was still in the worst part of chemo. the end. you're suppose to feel happy that it's over, but your body is so fried you feel like shit all the time. that was a year ago.

and now we're here. in mexico. how did that happen? so many many things transpired. it's impossible to tell you. but i'll try.

a bird has made a nest right outside my room in an old wasp hive. i'm pretty sure we've got a couple of eggs waiting to hatch. reminds me of the doves we rescued and raised when we lived in echo park. i loved taking care of them. except when i didn't love taking care of them. funny how i change the rules as i go.

because we are constantly with each other, sometimes this experience has truly tested the strength of our relationship. i have not been the most easy person to be with on a good day...so when i get depressed or in a funk here it i tend to be a real bitch (surprise surprise) and that's not what we came down here for. in some ways, i thought by just moving down here, everything would change and we'd be happy in paradise. it hasn't been that easy. housing has been difficult, to say the least. we've bumped around all over town. this is our forth place, and longest (4 months) since we got here. steve and i share a small room, and although we have access to the rest of the house, there's a certain lack of privacy that's been hard to get used to. neither one of us has any place to escape to, to have a break from each other. so, in that aspect, it feels like the world longest road trip. it doesn't feel like we've landed yet.

that being said, today i find myself so grateful to this city, and more importantly, from what i've seen, this country. everyday i learn something new or see a new color or element of something that's been here forever, that i just now discovered. i know that it was the right thing to do. all i have to do is walk out my door and a whole wonderful adventure awaits me. so while we go about finding our way here, the land holds us and sustains us with its beauty and it's big open skys. viva la mexico!