gray skies are gonna clear up

finally won't up in not a total funk today. looks like i might get a bunch of stuff done. it's looking more and more like moving is gonna happen. i'm starting to feel it inside. there is less and less for us to be staying here for. some of which i will go into later. but the main thing is a sense of belonging that i feel. i'm being drawn to another chapter of my life. now, if i can just get off my lazy ass get this boat a rolling, things would be much better. maybe when steve gets back, i'll be more focused. right now it's all overwhelming. we need to set some goals and keep cracking the meds across the border thing. everything else is falling into place.

i might even be able to tell a few stories here. if i keep it up. right now nothing of great importance is spewing forth. but, i've mainly started this blog to get back into the habit of writing. i have alot to say, and it's gotten lost inside. sitting all mixed up with my rage and anger and frustration with what's been going on in this country for the last seven years. i can never get that time back. i spent seven years waging a one man war against nothing. time lost. so, whatever time i have left on this planet must mean something. it does mean something. i just want to be where it means even more. i feel my dreams coming true, and i didn't even know that i had them. also amazing how different my dreams are now at 50 then they were at 30 or 40. the main dream being just to live another year. after 22 years of living like this with hiv, i'm ready to move on to other areas of my life. it's time to focus on living and stop wasting time worrying about dying. but here in los angeles i feel like i'm suffocating. to live in a city of 80,000 would be such a delight. i haven't lived in a city that small since i left the farm. it feels like going back to the land. new land. the land where i grew up is gone. it's all condo's and golf courses. little remains of the places i played as a kid. but i guess that is true of everywhere. i'm rambling. still on first cup of joe. the off to then theater for meetings.